WOOHOOO! from having nothing much to do the previous week, my life has completely turned arnd. i see my schedule filling up before my eyes, making my heart beat faster, my hands tremble, my lips curl into a smile! it is so exciting and exhilarating to be busy! i love having many many many things to do. okay correction, i love having too many FUN things to do. bcoz i rmb clearly how having too many tsd things to do wasnt exactly the most exciting period of my life. oh well. BUT MANY THINGS TRUMPS NO THINGS.=D

the past few days have been quite interesting. firstly, i got a job at the Megatex IT fair as a mac promoter. not too bad i must say. worked only for 4 days. i learned a hell lot abt macs and now i really, really, REALLY want one.=( oh wells. in time, in time. and also, i learnt certain traits abt certain nationalities that i wld rather not have learned.......... hmmm.... urgh. but overall quite an interesting experience.=) met alot of interesting customers and colleagues alike. discovered some things abt promoting. like how tiring it is. -.- i backspaced quite a few times here coz i was thinking of smth good that i discovered abt it, but i realised the tiring bit just trumps everything else. hahahaha. yeap. it was just plain tiring. tsktsk.

after work on the 24th i had to rush down to meet karen and eirene to go for her church's MIMBY thing. it was actually quite good.=) and yeah, met some new ppl there as well. did some decent socialising. hahahaha. the music was really not bad. and the food was quite funny, what with the influx of sasuages at our table and the tiny slice of 4 cheese pizza which we were conned by an ill-informed girl, into thinking that it was 4 slices of cheese pizza. HAHA. and i got some candle wax into my mouth which was rather gross. but hey, it was a new experience! i feel like a part of me has grown since then. i am now one step closer to taking the world by storm! hahahahah. i know now what candle wax tastes like and the strange sensation of it hardening on your tongue. hmmmm... exciting..... so yeah, it was the decent christmas countdown party this year again, quite like last year's which i spent with extended family in Canada, which was a first. actually i havent had a 'non-decent' christmas countdown. like spending it in a club or smth. hahaha. sounds kinda absurd but fun at the same time. lol.

christmas day was spent slacking at work trying to clear stock and den heading down to meet joel for clubbing, but after finding out the club we wanted to go to was closed we decided to head down to the 'dunman bash'. hahaha. hung out with karen, pras and raj there for most of it. decent company always makes for good fun.=) and i met up with some old friends too. so yeah, it was kinda cool.=)

and then boxing was spent sleeping in till lateeeee! before heading down to meet some scrabblers to prepare for our kids christmas party! woohoo! i had fun doing so painting and what not. handicraft seems to have a special place in my heart. i always enjoy it thoroughly.=) although if the paint was a little better and the brushes a little finer it wld have been much easier and more fun. hahahaha. but making stuff is always good. heeee.=D and its for a good cause! even better.

that sums it all up briefly enough i hope. the next few days are going to be pretty busy themselves with alot of parties to attend! whoopee! i am a happy boy.=D

actually blog-reading does invoke alot of 'deep thinking' in me. not those posts that merely describe events or the day's happenings, but more of those that describe more... personal thoughts. struggles desires failures fears aspirations enlightenment gratitude frustation loss. genuine emotions. human emotions.

and its quite strange. coz sometimes i feel kinda melancholy(emo) when i read abt another person's success. or abt them realising a dream, and how they're so happy and excited and thankful. i actually feel quite miserable sometimes. hahahaha. its not like i want that particular person to have a shitty life, or that i enjoy seeing him/her fail and suffer. its nothing like that really. its more like, i cant understand how to feel happy for that person when i dont really know what its like to achieve such success. there's only so much joy i can feel for you when im too overwhelmed by jealousy. i want to be in your shoes, i want to know whats its like. i guess deep down, all us human beings are the same. we all yearn for the same things. like love. or friends we can be sure ARE forever. or direction in life. well at least most of us do. i know i do. so when i read abt another person's struggles of finding himself, it reminds me of how i have yet to find myself either. or when i read abt someone feeling so strong abt a particular cause, it makes me think abt how much i lack an identity. but it always hits the hardest when i find out that someone succeeds in attaining the things that i too yearn to have. why them and not me.

but of course im not always so emo lah. i do know how to be proud and happy for others. when you know how much a person wants something, and how he/she put so much effort into getting it, its hard not to feel an overwhelming sense of joy when they finally actually get it. hahaha. i guess its always best to be sincere abt anything you do. sincerity can really be felt. and it really does move people.=) but i guess it isnt that hard to fake it.=/ since so many people can get conned into a huge variety of things. hahahaha.

GRAH. this is not happening! why are my days so freaking aimless! it seems like everyone has smth to do, some gathering to attend, some job to do, while i am here, lying on my bed thinking abt what i can do tmr and who i can go out with! NONONO. not right, not right at all. there are only few ppl i feel comfortable calling out for last minute outings thus making things alot more difficult when you dont have your week planned out MONTHS AGO. -.- why must having fun involve such preparation and effort. tsktsk. i guess i should start planning my outings proper now that friends are flying away. D= leaving me behind to fend for myself. boohoo.

and its going to be christmas in a matter of days! that is like OH MY HOOCHIE MAMA FAST. the month is gonna come to an end soon! and a new year is going to start? ohmy. that is still too strange a concept for me to grasp at this point of time. hmmmm... somehow, i feel reluctant to leave this year behind. maybe there are just too many things i want to do before its over. and maybe i just dont want this holiday to be over. ever. =( coz alot of wonderful things have happened in this fairly short period of time. grah. this is making me think of the school year all over again, and as a result, starting to make me feel abit emo again. =(

i miss vjc.

i am confused.

i dont know what to do, what to say, how to act.

i cant read minds.

although i think i can kinda figure out what to expect. and i dont like what i think.

but i doubt it wld be any other way. its just not possible.

its foolish of me. but some things, i just cant control.

i long for smth i know i cannot ever have.

but i am not superhuman.

yes, there are some things i just cant control.

i just survived one of the worst stomach cramps i've ever gotten. not sure if they're stomach cramps though. more like INTESTINAL cramps, considering the area afflicted. it felt as though there were a million claws digging into my intestines, while at the same time wringing them and stretching them and desperately trying to detach them from my bod-ay. it was AWFUL. thank god it only lasted for about an hour or so, and was only serious for about half the time. any longer and wld have been very, VERY, vocal(somewhat similar to when i was playing tennis this afternoon) about the pain, screaming and probably crying. i couldnt think abt anything else but the pain for the entire bus ride home from matt's. i think it was the soybean milk that caused me such turmoil! or maybe a mixture of the milk and the horfun. tsktsk. horrigible.

but now that thats over and done with, i must thank matt for welcoming us to his humble abode!(im not sure if im using the right term here, but heck, sounds right) i had a marvelous day with majoirty of the scrabblers.=D awesome possum fun! too bad we cant hang out like that anytime soon. with people going overseas or currently already overseas. booo. but it was a good day. well spent with great company.=) not to mention i had a go at tennis! like FINALLY! thank you meiching for the tips, they were indeed very helpful.=) it was as much fun as i imagined it to be. i could play for hours! and i want to! exciting stuff.=)

in other news, i really have no clue what to do abt my current financial crisis. its really bad. i know im halfway thru the month already, and plan 'engage in inexpensive activities' has been rather succesful the past few days, but i fear its not going to work for longgggg.....=/ this is worrying. and very sad.

i need a lifeline.

and distraction. coz i dont want to end up a freaking fool.

Bizarro is officially my FAVOURITEST comic strip. [(or whatever name it is you give those comics you find in your newspaper.) (there is a term for it, but i just cant seem to rmb it!) (was it like... err... okay forget it, i have no clue.)]

anyways, i cant find the particular one that i was talking abt in my previous post, so here's a sub. i had a hard time deciding which one to choose though! coz there are just toooooo many brilliant ones. so here's one of them.

ahhhhhh. Piraro is such a GENIUS. i am such a fan. i want his comics in huge posters or in small cards. i want a book of it. i want them in slates so i can hang them up in my room like Matt's tintins. they make me smile. they make laugh. they dont make me cry. they just stun me. i am so amazed at his wit and satire. and just look at it! the aesthetics are just brilliant! i love everything abt them. even the font! it all adds up perfectly.=) Piraro is my new hero......*sparkling eyes*

buy me his merchandise and i will love you forever. and ever and ever. i might even give you a kiss. or sell you my body to re-pay your genorisity.

HELLO.

i need to say that i have been very happy the past few days. because cycling makes me very happy.=D and learning to play the guitar also makes me very very happy.=D=D

so i have to thank 2 very special people - SHIANG NEE & MATT HO!
=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D=D
they have made my life very pleasent the past few days. i absolutely loooooove that piece of scrap metal nee sold me. although my ass is still very sore from that ugly, and very hard seat, i feel an overwhelming sense of JOY everytime i approach it at the void deck.=) and its absolutely orgasmic when i sit on it! and i feel oh-so-sexy when riding it.=P i think i should give it a name! hahahahha. okay im sure this is all getting abit bizzarre. i shall stop it. i am not crazy over an inanimate object. or maybe i am.

(the word bizzarre reminds me of that particular Bizzarro comic matt showed me at the scrabble board. which was just hilarious beyong belief. i shall try to find it and post it up next time.=D)

And that piece of useless wood that has been collecting dust in my room for DECADES is no long useless! thanks to matt. i now can make MUSIC out of that junk my cousin dumped with us when he left our humble nation for the outback. okay okay, not music per se, sound similar to that of music lah. but i am still very pleased.=)

in other news, my fishtank is no longer a wasteland. the living now outnumber the dead. oh but it doesnt mean the dead are still in the tank. hahahaha

and so, as i was munching on my double cheeseburger(without pickles) and gulping down mini pearls with peach red tea from sweet talk while sitting at some random void deck where my bike(nee's ex-bike) was parked, staring into the carpark of a random HDB estate, i began to contemplate life. *GASP* my life. my... im not so sure what to descirbe it as, life.

strange. i guess there is some truth to all that load of waiting for godot nonsense i plouged through. give a man time and nothing to do, he begins to ponder about LIFE. and all its horrors. interesting. although i did ponder about all the wonders of my life so far, alongside all the trash. hahahaha. i must say i truly am a happy person. *big smile* i am content with the friends i have. okay, more than content i must admit. i feel absolutely GRATEFUL that ive made such great companions.=) companions that will hopefully last me a lifetime. but i say with much regret and despair, that i have hardly progressed in my pursuit of finding myself. yes it does seem to some that i have direction in my life. it seems as though ive got my future more or less planned out already. go study medicine. tada! become a doctor. tada! well i know for sure thats what i really want. i know for sure its smth that can and will sustain my interest for years to come. and im confident that i will lead a very fulfilling life in the field of medicine. but there is still this other side of me that keeps on whispering in my head when im distracted from this plan ive laid out. what if i dont do medicine it says. i dont want the commitment or the studying. i want to do smth fun, radical, unique, exciting, care-free. and thats where predicament comes in. i want abit of everything. i want to BE everything. i dont want to lose out on anything. i dont want to make any sacrifices. i just want it all. as much as i know that such a desire is pointless and unrealistic, i cant shut it out. i havent learnt to. and i dont know when i will. slowly, i have been forcing myself to. it has in fact, taken alot of effort on my part just to latch on to this childhood dream of becoming a surgeon, no matter how much it has strengthened over the years.

i just feel like, im nothing really. im just a mish-mash of a whole lot of nonsense. just like my heritage. HAHA. im chinese but i dont really practice anything chinese. im abit of indian, but i know nuts abt their culture. i come from a muslim family but... yeah... those who know, know. hahahaha. likewise, i wld enjoy a wild night out clubbing as much as i wld enjoy frolicking in the botanical gardens. in the same sense, i know abit of this abit of that, like abit of piano, abit of violin, but im truly a master of nothing. hmmmm.. maybe that and everything else can be attributed to the fact that im scared to step out of my comfort zone. i actually enjoy being a brilliant beginner. thats what ive been most of my life. and all that ive really been actually. i guess i enjoy it when people are impressed by my ability to pick up new skills. so much so that i fear trying to pursue it, in avoidance of the unfortunate reality that in the end, i wldnt amount to nothing spectacular at all, and everyone, would just. fall. silent. i never dared sustain anything long enough to make me seem like a failure.=/

so right now, i still dont know what i truly am all about. i dont know what kind of person i am! what exactly are my interests or what kind of personality do i possess. its all just very hazy and im quite irritated at that. i want to know. and i want to know SOON. its freaking annoying. and i feel old. much to old to still be figuring out myself. i am starting to see a semblence of the real me, but its still far too vague. i dont even have the slightest idea about what kind of person people might label me as! this is worrying. very worrying. i need to embark on some soul-searching soooooooooon. hmm.

oh well. all that angst aside, i had a lot of fun today. '2A'(class of 4) gathering and then random trip to matt's house and then some late night cycling.=D interesting day. hahaha

ahhh. how i hate staying home the entire day. okay, i know thats not exactly a nice thing to say, but i dont not like staying because of my family or whatever, but i just get this overwhelming feeling of MISSING OUT. i feel like im missing out on the all the fun activites my friends may be partaking in in this very minute! while im stuck at home. doing nothing.=( bored bored bored and sad sad sad. tsktsk.

i have succesfully managed to more or less fill up my daily schedule ever since the As ended, but today i have no choice. coz its hari raya. hahaha... im sorry for my lack of faith. urgh. it should be a very happy occasion for me. but err. im really just kinda bored. lol. the turn up for visiting isnt that great on hari raya haji. and theres no hype abt the outfits during this one. or the 'ang-paos'. so... yeah. its the same everytime. just slack at home upstairs in my room. try to find something to do. greet people when they come and then retreat back into my own shell. sigh. maybe i should use this free time to clear out my notes and other nonsense. hmmm... that sounds like a plan. how exciting.

oh well at least yesterday night i got the chance to indulge in some KTV. HAHA. and hear my miserable voice booming in the room. quite fun. hahahaha=D and yay, i have some plans for tomorrow. now thats a start. lol. im starting to miss my friends again. i wanna chill with some people. correction: i NEED to chill with some people. save me please.

okay. i shall now begin the obligatory penning down of emotions after attending prom.

first of all, i must say i had an AMAAAAAAAAZING time!!!!!=D from the prep for prom all the way till post-prom! ahhh. such a wonderful night. though most of it was just spent like taking photos and eating nonsense food. it was an enjoyable experience nonetheless because of the amazing people there.=) the S34 hotel room was a disaster though. HAHA. toilet was a swamp. gross-ness. but i didnt really sleep there though. only like a few hours or so. coz my night(or rather morning) was spent sitting around outside the Cathay eating chips, listening to music and doing other random nonsense stuff with 3 other lameshits. hahahaha. but it was FUN.=D although we were like half dead the entire time, especially by the time we trudged down to funan for breakfast, it was a night to remember.=)

but with the conclusion of prom, i feel abit sad actually now that ive had the time to think abt it. that night would probably be the last time i would get to see most my vjc mates.(apart from of course, next year's results day. -.-) and it would also have been our last official vj event as a cohort.=/ im glad my 2-year stay ended on a high, but it just makes me miss it all the more. sigh. i wish there were more such proms to look foward to.

i guess i'll just have to thank a few groups of people who made my stay in VJC the best days of my life to date.

07S34
my TSD mates
and the Scrabblers.
=)

i cant imagine going to school without any of you guys there. you guys rock my socks. im gonna miss you all. but im sure i'll see all of you sometime soon.=)

tata~!