i cannot STAND myself sometimes. i cannot stand how lazy i am and how last minute i am when it comes to important, scary deadlines. the tasks are just too daunting and i dont feel up to the challenge. i wish i loved writing essays or boasting about myself. that would make it alot easier for me to fill up scholarship application forms and write my freaking personal statement.

=(

im just very scared. so afraid that whatever i write isnt good enough. so afraid that i just refuse to start writing even though i have ample time to do so every FREAKING NIGHT. only now do i finally want to start writing it. tonight. when im left with one night before i return to camp. -.-

I SUCK BIG TIME.

GRAH. if i screw up my medicine application, i would understand why.

okay i need to cool down calm down and stop thinking for awhile.

this is getting a tad bit out of control and i am not liking it.

stop.stop.stop.

HELLO WORLD!=D

(or should i say instead, the pathetic few who read my blog.)
(pathetic referring to the number of people and not THE people.)
(just in case you were mistaken and thought i was insulting you, the reader of this blog, i was not.)
(=D)

OKAY. all that nonsense aside....

I. HAVE. POP-ED.
OHMYLORD.
I STILL CANT BELIEVE IT.
I AM SO FREAKING HAPPYYYYY!
=D

hahahaha. ah well. it really does feel good to be free for 12 days straight. that kind of freedom i have not experienced for 3 months. and that sucked big time. but of course, all the usual sappy stuff: i do miss bmt now that its over. tear...='( hahaha. it was kinda fun actually. coz of the people of course. i was so afraid that i wldnt make any friends there, but im sure that ive made more than just friends during the course of bmt.(no im not going to mention any of that cliche 'brudder' or 'buddy buddy' stuff. -.- that just kills me. URGH.) bmt was alot better than i expected it to be, as many before me have said the same. yes i believe you now. and yes i agree with you now that its because of the friends.=) funny. i hated bmt as much as i loved it. buurh! *shudder shudder* i am strange. i shouldnt say such things anymore. anyway, getting back to the topic, i dont think i really know what ive learnt abt myself during that 3 months. oh yes wait, one things for sure: not even the army can cure me of my lack of punctuality. TSKTSK. i guess im a hopeless case. oh wells... i tried. and the army tried. they really did try their best. but they didnt try hard enough. after all they did put in the slackest company of all time. i AM very grateful for that though.=) i suppose the company could be a reason why i enjoyed myself that much too. mmmmm.=)

ANYWAYS, ns aside, the A levels are officially, like seriously OFFICIALLY, OVER! there is no longer any part of it left to haunt us jc kids, except painful memories of studying for it, which my dentist told me will cause some of us tormented sleep on some nights as we dream about the As throughout our entire lifetime. how nice. but i am happy with my results so i hope my brain will remember that and not give me anymore nightmares. please. oh and i find it very amusing how we people cannot stop talking abt certain topics no matter how hard we try. for example, during the few months before our results, all we could ever talk abt was results. and now that we finally get them, all we can ever talk abt is our results, other people's results and uni applications. interesting... i guess it only happens when something really REALLY big is happening? i suppose A levels falls into the category of really REALLY big. haha. its just really amusing. hmmmm.

okay thats about all i feel like saying for now.=) i blogged in an attempt to keep my blog alive. hopefully it will stay alive now that i have more time on my hands. and hopefully i will continue to have this kind of time on my hands once i report to my new unit. which hopefully will be sometime SUPER slack like, err... being a clerk?=D hopefully.

have fun people! i know im having fun.=)