Homg. Its the last day of 2010.

This is scary shit. Usually the new year is really not that big of a deal to me, but its gonna be 2011 as of tomorrow and 2011 is a big deal for me.

I am scared. I am very nervous about starting the new year.

Its crunch time. Got to put my game face on.

But my insides are still trembling with fear.=/

My room is a Junkyard.

A Junkyard of memories.=)

Spent about 5 hours today trying to clear out my cupboards in preparation for the move to Sydney. I only spent 5 hours although I was home the whole day cause I only woke up at 4pm.=P But also because I was waiting for my brother to leave the house! So I'd get the whole room to myself. HUAHUAHUA. Love having the room to myself. Locked the door, blasted music and got down to work.(stopped to dance now and then when a nice song came on.) So I cleared out a few bags full of trash by the end of my cleaning spree and my room STILL looks like a mess. -.- Damn i have so much rubbish.

It probably took so long because when i looked through all my papers stashed away or all the kitsch lying around I'd get brought back to the time, place and event surrounding that item. For some, I'd sit there smiling to myself for the longest time, reminiscing about fun times, wishing I could just experience it all again. Just even for a day. Primary School, Secondary School, JC. Miss it all so much. Even NS actually. Found some interesting stuff from NS too. Lol. But ost of my NS stuff are just bulky and annoying though. And I have no place to put them! LBV and all that crap. -.-

One item I found made me smile when I first saw it. But once I flipped through it for 5 secs and I couldn't wait to GET RID OF IT. Gosh. Don't ask me why I still have it, but it was the book you receive in Sec 4 to give you info about JAE application and all the JCs and crap. I remember how nervous I was about VJ's cut-off. But thats not it. As I was flipping through all the schools, I was suddenly attacked by a thousand 'what if' thoughts. D= It was scary. Might not sound scary to you, but it was hellava scary to me!!!! Hate moping around in regret about life choices. So damn miserable. Been there plenty of times. *shudders*

Oh well. That concludes day 1 of spring cleaning. Urgh. Thought I'd only need a day to complete it but i guess not. Damn. I only have a 1 week break from work!!=( need to find time to stay home again..... Boo.

So much to do so little time!=(

Promises.

Never bought into the idea of them. Not because I've experienced a multitude of broken promises in my life so far, but just because people sound stupid when they make them. I don't remember when I stopped believing in them. Probably sometime after primary school coz the first thing that comes to my mind when someone asks me for a promise is: 'That's so primary school. Grow up.'. People change. Times change. What once was felt may be lost.

Seriously. The word 'promise' should really be taken out of the dictionary. Or at least not be used when emotions come into play. It's lame. I don't want someone doing something for me just because he/she promised me so. I want someone to do something for me because he/she wants to. Don't use the word so lightly. You have no idea what it means to people.

Even though I don't believe in them, when someone breaks a promise that was made to me, a part of me still dies inside.

I have a love-hate relationship with rom-coms.
(If you don't know what that is, here's a hint: Romantic Comedies)

Every single one is the same and every single one makes me feel the same way after I'm done watching it.
I'm not too sure if Rapunzel is considered a rom-com coz its a Disney animated film, but essentially, it has the same plot as all the other 'adult'(no I do not mean x-rated here) rom-coms out there.

Girl is sad(and attractive).
Girl meets boy who is an unlikely match(usually under strange circumstances).
Boy turns out to be the perfect match(and also happens to be very attractive).
Girl has trust issues with boy even though he makes her very happy.
Certain event(past coming back to haunt, misunderstanding etc,) causes girl to leave boy(crying while doing so usually).
Boy does something to salvage the situation(or girl realizes her folly).
And they live happily ever after.

I LOVE IT.
And I can't get enough of it. Even though they're all the same, I still am very drawn to them. Just can't help it. Maybe because the circumstances are always a bit different. Like they have different jobs, and they lead different lives. Thus the scenery is different and the jokes are different and they always lead interesting lives and have random jobs like cheese farming. Is that even the right term? o.o

But anyway, I love them coz they show me a perfect love. And I am naive enough to believe that whatever they have, I can have too. And I really want to have what they have. So badly. So very badly that I hate the movie for showing it to me. Because its so FREAKING HARD to get it! And then I just end up moping over how my life is so miserable because I haven't found the perfect love. Because I've never done all those romantic things in beautiful places with anyone. I've never been able to be so free and easy with anyone like they can. URGH. So annoying! Stupid sluts.

But its alright. I don't blame them. I know it's not everyday that you meet someone wonderful who ends up being your soulmate. So I will continue to strive and search for that perfect Love. The one that will make nothing else matter(as much). Sigh. As I like to quote(because I feel it very true), my Myers Briggs personality test very kindly informed me that I am an Idealist. So yes, I am an Idealist. I kinda like the fact that I am an Idealist. But that's besides the point. Point is, I'm not ready to settle for anything less than perfect at the moment. Not anytime soon I believe.

So whoever you are, wherever you are, wait for me. Coz I will find you. I WILL find you.

Rapunzel was a good movie. I liked it very much.

Sometimes people do stupid ignorant things with complete disregard of the possible consequences and how they may affect the people around them. But acknowledging that it's human to make such mistakes does not change the fact that once the damage is done, some things just never return to the way they were.

This is one mistake that I will beat myself up for for a very very long time.

Good Job Taariq Chew, you just killed your own happiness you selfish piece of animal crap.

Sometimes I don't know what I'm feeling. And it scares me.
But mostly it annoys me more than anything.

I don't like the unknown.
But I do like surprises.
lol.


Can't wait to start working! At least then I'd have something to keep me occupied. AND most importantly I'd be earning some cash. Haha. I hope work won't be boring. And I hope the people are nice(and hot)(and are interested in me. That would be fun=D).

Pleasepleasepleaseplease.

Thank god for leftovers.

Just had a sudden urge to EATEATEAT. Don't know why. Happens once in a while. But when it happens i just want to eat anything and everything i can find. I desperately wanted to drive out for supper but I couldn't find company so i went down to the kitchen and THANKFULLY, there was some spaghetti left.=) YUM. I feel so satisfied now. Although my day still does feel kinda rather incomplete. I have been having the laziest 2 days of my life EVER. All I've done since yesterday afternoon(I say afternoon coz i only got home in the afternoon on Sunday) was sit around at home and watch Glee, Grey's Anatomy and ANTM. I did go for an interview this afternoon which really lasted only 15 mins. -.- Travelled all the way to Raffles place and after 15 mins, travelled all the way back to Tampines. How fun. Why didn't I go to town or smth after my interview you ask? COZ I HAD NO ONE TO GO WITH.=( Or at least i didn't ask and no one asked me. Lol. Sadness.

Ah well. At least I managed to catch up with the few shows that I actually follow... I know there are a million other shows that I could use this free time to watch like... Big Bang Theory and HIMYM and Chuck and Desperate Housewives and I dunno what else, but I've had enough time at home to myself. If i have another day like this in the near future, I would kill myself. Okay no I won't. I'd just cry in a corner at home probably. o.o

While I was eating my spaghetti and thinking about how it is now that I need to get out of the house and do smth before I feel like my day was well spent, I was reminded of my younger days in Primary school when I didn't meet friends outside of school. And all I did was play computer games and watch TV at home and went to sleep early. And I was satisfied with life? Gosh I was such a loser. Hahahaha. I also got reminded of the time I was at Jovi's house with the rest preparing for Halloween and looking across the street I noticed a bunch of children playing at their porch. This girl and boy were on their scooters riding around in circles in that limited space, which means the circles were really small, with their younger cousins or whoever running after them screaming in joy. They did this for a good 10-15mins. Round and round. In circles. Not even at a very high speed. In circles. And they were happy.(And they looked stupid too) And I just thought 'wth? I wish riding around in circles was enough to make me happy.'

Sigh. Sometimes I wish I was a simpleton.



Okay maybe not. It sounds scary.

HOLLER!

I got my freaking Driver's License this morning! (okay, more like a piece of not so cheap paper that is pretending to be a driver's license, but whatever, same difference)

YEEHAW.


Wow, come to think of it, I actually spent about close to an entire year in total to get my license. Not because I had to re-take a gazillion times, but because of the drama with my first instructor. Which ended with me busting the windows of his car.(But it don't compare to my broken heart~ and my empty wallet. -.-) Grr... such a waste of time and money. Well at least I passed on the first try with my new instructor!=) If not I would have probably run in front of another testee's car in an attempt to kill myself. And cause him/her to get an immediate failure for killing a pedestrian. tsktsk. Aren't we glad that didn't happen?=)

In other news, I just had a medical check-up at Raffles Hospital as part of my Visa application. And it cost me $222.55. Like wth? Gosh. It wasn't even that extensive. -.- If I ever come back to Singapore to work. That's the kind of place I'd like to be, seriously. I am so damn broke now. Thankfully this paying for expensive shit stops today. Driving done. Dental done. Visa done. Phew. BUT NO JOB!!!!!!!! ARGH. I am so screwed. Anyone, GIVE ME MONEY! I'd do anything for you! ANYTHING. Just please don't let me starve in Australia....=(

Somebody saveeeeeee meeeeee~~~~~ please?

Excerpt from my Monash Medicine interview back in I don't remember when exactly actually:


Interviewer 1: So when does your National Service end?

Awesome possum Me: November. (smiles sweetly)

Interviewer 2: (exasperated tone, to Interviewer 1) Everybody's ending in November! There's going to be huge party here in November!

Brilliant Me: (Giggles along with Interviewer 1 and gives demure smile)


In my head I was going 'HO HO HO... You have no idea.....=P'

And boy was he right! Crazy crazy ORD party last night.

BIG THANKS TO CAI YIMING!
(although honestly, no ones really gonna see this. coz my blog is such a loser. Sorry about that Yiming.) For helping to plan and organise our awesome BMT gathering.=) It felt like BMT all over again when I saw my fellow Scorpion section mates. Awww....=) Such a funny feeling. The same way ORD-ing is such a funny feeling. Like what.......... what the hell just happened? I ORD-ed? Huh? Really? Ouh okay.  Thank you very much. See you bye. And then you don't know what to do. lol. Strange strange feeling it is to ORD. You look forward to it since the day you enlist, or even before that. But when it finally arrives, the feeling is so anti-climatic. -.- But whatever, I'm not complaining! Don't have to deal with all that shit anymore. Yay.=) My NS life was kinda filled with alot of bad decisions though. lol. I think I could have enjoyed it alot more, but sadly I didnt take advantage of all the luck I had. What with my posting to medic course and then to PTMC and all, I really was very lucky. But..... oh well. Maybe it's not me. Maybe you just can't have it all. You win some and you lose some.=)

The Heart wants what the Heart wants.

But dearest Heart, have you not already heard? You can't always get what you want. So seriously, it's about time you SHUT UP and grew up already.

DAMN.

REALLY. Like get a life or something. You know it's not gonna happen, and you know nothing good's gonna come out of this obsession, so please, just stop whining and putting all kinds of strange ideas in my head. Pretty please? Because it's tiring and it's a waste of my freaking time and energy to think about things that cannot and will not be. I'm better off doing something more productive like, i dunno, run naked down Orchad road or smth. -.- Seriously.

GET OUTTA MY HEAD, HEART.

Thank you very much for your time.

HOLA!


Gosh I am finally blogging again. 


After contemplating doing so for a very long time, I have decided that today shall be the day. If you realise, my last post was in March 2009! That's about a year and 9 months ago. cool.......=) my blog is so pathetic I could actually read every single one of my posts in a single night. lolz.... But my, how things have changed since the last time I've been here! The last post being about my medicine application to NUS. HAHA. How old school is that! -.- I'm thinking the only people who'd read this are people who actually know me(right?), so yeah, you should probably already know that I was rejected a place in NUS(eons ago), and have landed myself a place in UNSW instead! (chose that over Monash=/). AND if all goes well....(please please please, let me have my Visa) I'll be off in February! Whoopee!=D


But I shall not waste time catching up with my blog. Its crazy if I were to try and document all the big events that have happened in my life since then. fooyo. Shall not bother.


The REAL reason behind this sudden urge to blog is that... 


I GOT MY BRACES OFF TODAY!!! 
HAHAHAHAHHAA. GOSH. OMG. 


No more hours spent agonizing over a piece of chicken stuck in the back of my teeth


No more freak ulcers appearing coz the wires decided to be bitchy


And no more having to worry about cutting someone else's tongue when it's in my mouth! YEEHAW!
(Actually I never really believed that could happen, but everyone else seems to think it's possible. But whatever, doesnt matter now!)


I was actually on the verge of hyperventilating in front of the toilet mirror a while ago as I was admiring my new set of pearly not-so-whites.=D It's crazy! They look so foreign! But beautiful nonetheless.=)


Trust me, I had a awesome time with my braces. It was fun and it was cute and I was already used to all the shit it was giving me. And it kinda became part of my identity. But damn it was about time it went back to where it came from already!


So farewell my metal companion! (although I do have it in a small zip lock bag on my desk now as a souvenir. COOL RIGHT. HAHA.) 


All I need now is some teeth whitener.=D