Days like this when your confidence soars higher than ever and you feel up for any challenge.
Days like this when you start to believe in yourself again.
Days like this when you catch a glimpse of who you are.

Coupled with the fact that its a supposed lull period from school makes the day feel even better.=)

SUPPOSED lull because this course is just brutal. There is no break even though there may seem to be. All these farce safe houses along the way. You think you can stop and take a breather, well okay a breather, that's all you can really afford. Coz if you decide to stay the night, next thing you know the tigers are at your doorstep again. -.- SCREW YOU SCHOOL. All you've made me feel lately is overwhelmed. And underwhelmed at my own capabilities. But..... I have learnt a lot from you in the past few weeks I guess....... Like how you made me realise that how much I learn is really up to me. Hmmm....

Oh well. You still suck overall. You've turned me into a hermit.

Piece of shit!

Today I grieve deeply for some(just some, of many) of my inadequacies.=(

Firstly, I am a terrible shopper. I set out this week to find myself a nice Autumn jacket because it was getting colder and stupidly I only brought 2 very thin jackets which were of course suitable for the Singapore standard of 'a cold day', failing to see the 'DUH-ness' that a cold day in Singapore is hardly comparable to a COLD DAY in Sydney. -.- I amuse myself sometimes. By how stupid I can get. Hahahaha. So anyways, I spent the whole week walking around various shopping areas to no avail. Even worse was that I went to each shopping district I think at least twice! Only because I never bothered trying on some of the jackets I thought I liked. And even when I did, somehow they gave me the false impression that they were awesome.
Example: I tried on a jacket at King st. Thought it was awesome. Went back there the next day because I couldn't find anything at Bondi. Tried it on again. Hated it. -.-

Strange...... After taking a second look at it on me, I couldn't see how I actually liked it to begin with! Haha. And then there was the enigmatic jacket in a shop at Bondi. I thought it looked nice, but it was out of my budget so I decided not to try it. Big mistake. The image of the jacket plagued me for the rest of the day. But thankfully, the next time I saw it, it was somehow... not so alluring anymore. o.o

Is it because I'm fussy or picky or what? I have no idea. But I find it so hard to find a jacket that I love.=( In actual fact, I find it hard to find anything that I love! And my mind so easily plays tricks on me. For what reason I don't know! Because it's not like we're 2 different people! Why does it have to convince me to buy something I don't love! -.- Somehow I managed to convince myself to buy a fcuk jacket that was on sale yesterday. Almost have price. But there were so many reasons why I didn't love it. It was puffy. It had drawstrings at the bottom. o.o It was a tad bit too plain for my liking. But I still bought it anyways. It made me happy for a few hours. Until I tried it on again in my room. Next thing I know I was on the internet finding out if fcuk had a return policy. SIGH. I'm such a mess.

So today I returned the jacket. I am so blessed that the lady at the counter didn't know that sale items aren't supposed to be refunded, instead can only be exchanged or converted into a voucher. I got a refund. THANK THE HEAVENS. Not many people get a second chance at life. But I did. I was already looking at other fcuk products I could buy using the voucher, resigned to consequences of my mistake. So thank you lady, I pray you don't get into trouble for refunding me.=)

I could come up with many examples of how my mind/brain convinces me to do the lamest shit ever. Like how it convinced me that I don't need to bring my shades out even though it was sunny as hell, because people might think I'm like a poseur or something, wearing shades in autumn. WTF. I spent half the bus ride cursing myself and the other half trying to understand how something like that could have happened.

I did manage to come up with a possible reason why I do the stupid things I do. At least for some of them. Sometimes I'm so afraid of people judging me, only because I judge others. So I know that there are people out there judging. And no matter how many times I reach an epiphany on how it doesn't matter what people think coz I am beautiful in every single way, I still fall into the trap of... I don't know what this trap is called and I'm too lazy to think. Lol. It's not peer pressure. Societal pressures? Wannabe-cool syndrome? Whatever. I used to think I was above that. I guess I hardly am. My mind is still as impressionable as ever. The only thing that has changed are the things that impress me.

Being yourself is so hard.

And it is so easy to lose yourself amongst everyone else's views. Too easy sometimes.=/