What a pleasant change in outcome!

I was dreading my Anatomy practical class this afternoon ever since I had the last one on the 3rd. The memory of that class really scarred me. Lol. Yes, you may say that I'm exaggerating, but I swear I'm not. The experience really knocked me off my feet. It blatantly laid down in front me the weaknesses of my personality, as naked as the dissected bodies on the table in front of me. It was a weakness that I hadn't need to address in the longest time, because back in Singapore the last time I was thrown into a pool of strangers was back in the beginning of NS, more than 2 years ago! And honestly, I find that most Singaporeans are like me. Or at least it's really easy to find a person with similar inhibitions when it comes to strangers. Hence I had no trouble in taking my time to forge relationships.=) I was in my comfort zone. Well as comfortable as I could get I suppose. I know my weakness and I know it well. But it instead of finding ways to eradicate it, I found ways to get around it without improving myself. Because really, improving yourself is such a tedious task is it not? Not to mention extremely uncomfortable at the beginning. We all know that the outcome will be wonderful and that it will all be worth while, but as I always see it, knowing is never enough. Everyone knows the right thing to do. Doesn't mean everyone does it.

Why is it so hard to just be me and be happy. I never ever can satisfy myself. But at the same time, I can hardly find the strength to change who I am. Sigh. Such is life?=/

Anyways, I had better get to explaining this 'pleasant change in outcome'. As you may have guessed, I had my 2nd anatomy practical this afternoon.(Hooray!) And I was worried things would just end up the same way it did the last time round, which simply means me being a loner not daring to utter a single word to the numerous numerous people surrounding me, thus leaving the class solemnly, beating myself up for being such a coward. I was SO worried that this would happen that I spent the whole weekend formulating a master plan for the next lesson.(huahuahua!) My initial plan was to zoom in on a friendly face in class and latch on to that person like a parasite!=D I was so psyched after all the encouragement and consoling my friends gave me that I felt like I could definitely pluck up the courage and make friends out of these menacing strangers. But duh, an adrenaline rush only lasts for like a few minutes or so. Although mine lasted for about a day I guess. Hahahaha. After which I discovered a way to weasel out of my problem and back into the safety net of already friends.=) It was simple, I would just crash another class! AWESOME AIN'T IT. So simple. No fuss, no worry and comfort guaranteed.=) But turns out I didn't even have the guts to flout the rules. -.- I watched my friends helplessly as they left my side and sighed. Time for emotional scarring - Round 2.

BUT IT WASN'T!=D The tutor said the magic words, 'Break into groups of 4.' I think my eyes literally lit up when I heard that coz DAMN, I knew I could work in small groups.=) Right place right time and I was on my way to talking to the Australians.=) I wouldn't really consider them as friends just yet, but they spoke to me! Quite a number of them did! Even beyond the group of 4! And I spoke to them! HAHA! It was bliss. I left the class feeling so good about myself.=) Although I don't know if I should, coz moral of the story: I was still a coward. But a damn lucky one! All I can say is thank god I was I didn't have the guts to flout the rules. Phew. My inherent goodness has served me well.=)

So yeah. No change. I'm still me. Still as big a wuss as ever. But heck, at least I'm happy today. The hard work can wait for now.=)