My afternoon naps/power naps are usually as tiring as they are refreshing. As I've learnt from the many naps I took in between classes back in VJ(and sometimes during classes=D) as well as the almost daily naps I had during my whole NS life(hahahaha), as long as it's in the afternoon, it's always crammed full of very hectic dreams.=/ Most of them a continuation of the activities that happened before I fell asleep or at least they're quite current and very, very real. Maybe its because most of the time I'm barely sleeping. As in like half asleep? Just beneath the surface of the sea of sleep?(Don't know if you get this analogy, but it paints a really serene and mystical picture for me=)) Hahaha. So anyway, the nap I had this afternoon was no different. I don't usually record my dreams, but this one was kinda different.

The first dream was kinda amusing. Lol. I remember dragging myself out of the dream because someone in there said it was 2.30pm already and I should wake up. O.O Strange......... But it wasn't 2.30pm. Instead it was only about 1.20pm and my alarm was only set for 1.30pm. So I went back to sleep for 10 mins. And during that 10 mins I had one of the happiest dreams I've ever had(Or at least that I can remember). And in that dream, I distinctively remember asking someone if it was a dream, and asked for assurance that I won't just wake up from it. That person smiled and told me that 'this' was for real and that I had nothing to be worried about.

That person lied.

Next thing I know I'm awake. And this huge HUGE pang of sadness just overcame me. I felt cheated. Fooled. ANNOYED. Disappointed. But mostly just sad. This whole thing may sound really lame to you but it made me realise what I truly left behind back in Singapore. And that was love. I came here convincing myself that I could easily find substitutes for everything I had back home. Friendship was easy to find and the very day my parents left I managed to find people I felt I could call friends. But one week into my parents absence it struck me that these new friends I made could hardly give me what my friends or family back home could. Not to belittle the relationships I've forged with people here though, cause I do feel that I've met some really awesome people here and I don't see an end to our relationships in sight.=) But one night while I lay on my bed waiting to fall asleep, I was hit by a sudden wave of  'discomfort'. I was dying to be hugged by someone. ANYONE. And even till today, I haven't given or received a hug from anyone since the last night my parents were in Australia.=( It was then that I realized  my friends offered me more than just companionship. Back home, I would greet my Mum with a hug everyday when I left or returned home. Likewise I would greet many of my friends with a nice warm hug.=) Well I guess I took that all for granted.=/ (and no, hugs are not the only thing my friends offer besides companionship. hahaha)

Now that I'm here, starting life all over again, I've really got no one to turn to for a hug. And huge part of the reason for that is again, myself. For someone who is comforted greatly by the smallest human touch, I never initiate. I never dare to. In fact, with new people, I'm weary of the littlest touch coz I'm always afraid that it might make others uncomfortable and that can make me really awkward in certain situations. Lol. But in actual fact, I'm always open for hugs. Hugs are nice. and warm. and fuzzy. and they make me happy. and they make me feel loved.=) But maybe also, I'm just not ready to hug these people. It's not so simple. A hug really goes further than just physical contact and maybe I don't initiate these hugs coz I don't feel we're at that level yet?=/

So I guess until I can find a new Family here (which I believe shouldn't take too long. Hopefully), the yearning to return home to the comfort of old friends won't stop.=(

But I shouldn't worry. It's only been a month. I can't possibly try to replicate what I built for years in that time.=) So yeah. I've gotten used to this process of starting over anyways, and I'm getting more and more comfortable by the day.=)

Everything in it's right time Taariq, everything in it's right time...

(A hug wouldn't kill though)